I've held a lot of titles in my life. 

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Marine. Professional model. Student. Journalist. Entrepreneur. Wife. Ex-wife (thank God). Partner.

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One title I never much cared to hold? Mom.

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 Why?

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Well, to be honest, that's none of your business, but since this is a blog- and the entire point is to be open and transparent- here goes. Growing up, there were quite a few reasons I wasn't interested in having kids:

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1. Raising a child is an immense responsibility (time and expenses and the pressure of raising a decent, productive, empathetic human being, oh my!).

2. I live with Type I Bipolar Disorder and didn't want to risk passing it along.

3. I relished the ability to get up and GO whenever I wanted (I once moved to Tokyo on a whim with just $500 in my pocket.)

4. I simply had no desire to be a mother.

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This was my unashamed preference clear into my 30s.

 

Everything changed on March 7, 2019, when I found out that - due to the fact that my bipolar medication had rendered my birth control ineffective without my knowledge- I was pregnant (I took four tests, just to be sure). Shout out to my psychiatrist, who neglected to share that information with me. You owe me some diapers, dude.

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Once the shock had subsided, I took ALL the moments to weigh ALL my options (I am 100% mind your own uterus), and after some intense decision-making (and a looooong talk with my amazing partner), I decided to take the plunge and travel a path I never expected to trek- parenthood. 

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Since the day I made that decision to move forward, my life has been a rollercoaster of overwhelming emotions, apocalyptic vomiting, body pains I never knew existed, preparing a nursery, figuring out how not to mess up this kid, blocking random people from touching my stomach (why is that even a thing?!?), and coming to terms with the choice I've made.

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I'll be honest though...there have been some moments of magic, too.  And since my son was born on Oct. 25, 2019, I have to admit...I'm even more curious to see how this journey unfolds.

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I hope this blog serves as an insightful look into the rarely highlighted life and mindset of a staunch child-freeist who got knocked up in her mid-30s and became the one thing she NEVER thought she'd be....a mom.

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My name is Jovane Marie, and I'm The Accidental Parental.

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